Warning: This is about penises.

Well it was bound to happen sooner or later.

As a zoologist I very quickly became accustomed to discussing penises and penis related functions in all their weird and wacky wonder a long, long time ago. Occasionally I forgot that stories about whale sex aren't dinner table conversation amongst the general public and I would like to apologise for that. However, I have reached an unusual cross-roads: I actually have to discuss and research penis related problems for my project. Naturally I feel if I have to research gibbon penises then everyone else can hear about it and suffer along with me.

So lets jump right in. You all remember this little fellow?

I have a penis problem!

Well, that's Nakai. He is now one year old and has just discovered an amazing trick his penis can do!

Early last week on a day which is now known as "Nakai's First Erection Day", Nakai got an erection. As a one year old boy he thought that this was just the bee's knees. Nobody else's genitalia could do this! He was so proud he stuck it through the wire to show me himself. 

Not only did he feel that I should appreciate his new discovery to an excessive degree he also wanted to show mum, Viann, and big sister, Kit. While infant gibbon erections are awkward at the best of times they become extra awkward when the infant sticks his erection in the face of his mum and sister and gets them to lick it...

Now being subject to little ape boy displays is part and parcel of the job. If you work with dogs, you clean up poo. If you work with cats, you get clawed and hated. If you work with apes, you see a hell of a lot of penises. However, general zoo visitors are not so used to overt displays of masculinity. Especially those under the age of ten. 

Three little girls, dressed in a lot of pink, and their mum bore witness to Nakai's little display of success. Either their mum didn't notice or she has the best poker face in the world when she said (as Nakai was "hugging" Viann's head) "oh look at the little baby, he's giving his mum a hug, how sweet". 

Yeah, a hug.......

Now fellatio is not a big part of gibbon sexual behaviours (unlike Bonobos) and fellatio among family members is about as disturbing in the gibbon world as it is in the human one. Nobody boinks a relative. 

So this has presented me with a unique conundrum. If Nakai isn't engaging in a sexually oriented behaviour then what the hell is he doing?? On discussion with my supervisor and some PhD students I have narrowed it down to the following options (and yes those conversations were always super, super awkward).

• He has a cut or an infection and licking was a way of attending to the irritation. However, this doesn't explain why he was erect the whole time.
• He was acting like a little boy and the other gibbons tasted the...... discharge. They are inherently curious creatures. However, there didn't appear to be any discharge.
• He's a bit of an idiot. 

So in order to figure out what is going on I have the pleasure of researching gibbon erections. He may only have been partially erect and since I am not an expert I get to go researching images to determine the degree of erectness. There are just some Google images searches no one should ever have to do.

I also need to pay particular attention if it ever happens again to any discharge that may.... discharge.

Finally, I get to read every case of primate fellatio. Ever. I need try and determine an average age of onset. Needless to say the Bonobos are particularly over-represented in this literature.

The best outcome would be for it to never, ever, ever happen again and we then can all forget about it. 

And to whoever sees the browser history at UWA: I swear I am not horribly perverted. Its for science!!!!

So if you're ever sick of sitting at your desk researching something dull just be grateful you're not on google images trying to determine the degree of erectness a 1 year old gibbon had when he got his mum to lick his penis.

Oh look here's a happy picture:

Sunda: a FEMALE infant.